Dealing with Depression

I thought I was handling my mom's death pretty well, until the other day. My sister sent me a photo of my mom's gravestone. I had asked her to, but somehow, seeing that stone with Mom's name and date of death, just...well...it sort of sent me over the edge.

Of course, this came at a bad time. A lot of my professional life is up in the air. I'm living in a rental house, and it doesn't always work for me. My husband is working a lot of hours. None of my family or friends are nearby.

There's this general feeling of emptiness that invades every cell. It's so hard to fill all those losses up.

I'm trying to stay positive, really I am. So I thought I'd do something positive: I'll write about how to help a friend or loved one with depression. Here goes a few caveats:

This is not intended to replace professional treatment or help. No way! In fact, here's step 1 and 2:

1. Of course, if they aren't on medication or they haven't had their medication checked, do so immediately.

2. Take any suicidal comments seriously. Never, ever dismiss a suggestion that the person wants to hurt him/herself, and do encourage them to share these thoughts with you.

Okay, let's assume you have all this in place. Now what can you do?

1. Monitor the person's medication. Depression saps energy and distorts thinking. Check to see that the person is taking his/her medication and taking it properly.

2. Discourage or help them avoid natural depressants such as alcohol, marijuana, and other drugs. I find that antihistamines make my depression worse.

3. Help them get a good 8 hours sleep. This can really make a difference, so adjust your sleeping schedule if possible.

4. Make sure they are eating healthy food at regular hours. Help them avoid sugar. It makes the highs higher and the lows lower.

5. Don't run away from them. Oh, yeah, I know. You are thinking, "I can't do anything." So you disappear or go off and do your own thing. Wrong, wrong, wrong. You can. And when you disappear the message you send is, "I like you when you are healthy but not when you are sad." That's really destructive.

Here's what's most important about all of this: A depressed person can NOT do for himself/herself the way they usually would. Depression deprives you of energy. You don't think clearly. You don't have the resources to care for yourself, and your natural inclinations (like grabbing a candy bar or not eating) may actually make your depression worse. So having a loving person spend a little of his/her energy looking after you means the world.

This is a great video--one that brought me to tears because of her honesty--
http://www.wikihow.com/Help-Someone-with-Depression

PS If that darned guy who is trimming our bushes doesn't stop soon, no one will have to worry about my depression. I'll be in jail for murder. ARgh.

How Can We Help?

I had a lovely luncheon today at the home of my friends Denise and Craig. The occasion was a book club get together that Denise arranged, and I was the feature author. It's always a joy to be asked to talk about Paper, Scissors, Death--and particularly, I love hearing different readers' reactions to the book. I was curious about how Denise's friends felt about the humor in PSD, specifically how much that did or did not matter to them. I wondered what they would ask regarding the plot. Of course, I won't tell what happens in Cut, Cut & Die, book two in the series, but I could assure them that Detweiler and Kiki and the gang will be back. I was thrilled at being compared to Janet Evanovich. (Hey, that was almost as heavenly as Denise's soups, the terrific salad and the fabulous bread.) And I was stumped by the question, "Which revives your creative juices more: scrapbooking or writing?"

But the biggest surprise came when the readers asked me, "How can we help you?"

Whoa. I was suddenly transported back in time to when networking was big. We women would meet together to share job possibilities, ideas for being more professional, and support. Back then, we knew we'd only make it if we helped each other.

So I haven't heard those precious words in years: "How can we help?"

Maybe you have a friend who's an author. Or maybe you're a fan. Perhaps you've wondered, "Can I make a different in an author's career?"

The answer is a resounding, "YES!"

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Go to Amazon and Barnes & Noble and post a review. The more reviews, the more stars, the more their internal logic systems will recommend the books you favor. (Yep, I don't know exactly how it works, but it does.)

2. Suggest the book to another book club. In my experience, book clubbers tend to belong to more than one club. So, tell your second club about the book your first club liked.

3. Call your local library. If they don't have copies of the book, ask them to get them. If they do, check out the book, even if you have already read it. I'm not suggesting you take out the book and keep another reader from her chance at it, but I am suggesting that the more a book is checked out, the more likely a library is to buy more copies. (And in some libraries, if a book isn't being checked out regularly, they may sell it to make room for more popular works.)

4. Order copies of the book as gifts. Readers love to swap and share. Especially mystery readers. But, book sales are what keep an author writing. So, consider giving books as gifts.

5. Introduce the author to other people who are influence leaders. That might mean other business people who could purchase copies, English or creative writing teachers, book club leaders, or other club leaders. That's the essence of networking: Introducing Person A to Person B because A and B might be able to do business together.

6. Ask your business library to carry a copy of the book. Some books won't be appropriate, but some might. When I worked at Illinois Farm Bureau, we had a huge corporate library. If the book you read is appropriate for your corporate/association library, suggest they purchase a copy.

7. Schedule the author to come make a presentation at a corporate/association lunch. Many companies have meeting rooms where folks can get together at lunch. Schedule a meeting room, and invite your local author to come chat about his/her work.

Any other suggestions? Please share them!